, , , , , , , , ,

House Hunters & Spouse Hunters

Confession: I have a slight obsession with HGTV.

Of all the shows on HGTV, remodeling series are always my favorites, followed by House Hunters. If you haven’t seen one of the nearly two thousand episodes of House Hunters, congratulations. You have successfully avoided a major time suck. But, for the sake of this post, it would be helpful for you to know the basic gist of the show.

Every episode of House Hunters follows the same formula. First we meet the hunters who are embarking on their home search with a list of “must haves,” “can’t live withouts,” and of course, a very specific “location, location, location.” When visiting potential residential candidates, they tend to make snap judgements based on “curb appeal” and “love at first sight.” Before they even make it over the threshold, they are likely to be either over the moon or convinced the house is terrible.

Once inside, the house hunter’s priorities get all twisted and out of whack. Structural concerns are overlooked in lieu of stainless steal appliances and bathrooms with double sinks. A crack in the foundation?… Well, yes, there’s that. BUT did you see that jetted tub?

After visiting three contenders and deliberating over a cup of coffee or glass of wine (I’m convinced that step is written into the filming contract), the hunters excitedly pick a house and, thirty seconds later, are moved in and enjoying a new, picture perfect life.

I must admit, House Hunters drives me a little nutty.

While watching, I have to restrain myself from yelling at the TV. I’m like a Steelers fan watching Sunday night football, schooling the ref on how to “do his job.” But, instead of plays, I get worked up about ridiculous housing objections. If you watched the show with me, chances are you’d hear me say things like, “Just rip out the carpet!” And, “Double sinks aren’t the secret to a successful life!”

Given my angst with House Hunters, one might wonder why I persist in watching it. If it annoys me, why don’t I turn it off? That’s a good question and I have a good answer. I keep watching House Hunters because it raises my awareness of my own tendency to become a spouse hunter.  

There was a day not so long ago that I too had a “must have” list with the “can’t live withouts” underlined. There was also a day not so long ago that I had an online dating account with a search narrowed down by “location, location, location.”

Before even making it past the first “hello,” I know that I’m prone to make snap judgments based on “curb appeal” because, even after much rejection, a little part of me still believes in “love at first sight.” And if some person were to make it past the curb, I know that my flesh would be tempted to justify significant concerns on account of romance, attraction and chemistry.

For those of us who have stood on the single sidelines, watching many of our friends fall in love and get married, we feel the pressure to do the same – ASAP. We must search because, as society tells us, clocks are ticking and potential life partners are getting snatched up. We better act fast or someone might walk away with our husband or wife. We have to get out there, mix it up, find that special someone and get moved into our new, picture perfect, holy matrimony life.

But those of us who are unmarried need not become frantic, stressed out spouse hunters. There is a better way to “I do.”

The better way to matrimony begins with throwing out the “must have” list and creating a “must be” list instead. Before I can expect to meet a man of God, I need to be a woman of God. To do this, I must stop focusing on the characteristics I want my future husband to have and shift my focus onto cultivating Christlike characteristics in my own life. (Bonus tip: see Galatians 5:22-23 for “must be” list ideas).

The second step is to look beyond the curb and hone in on the foundation. Watching silly home seekers settle for a crumbling foundation while making much of superficial improvements has opened my eyes to the fact that my flesh is susceptible to compromising, settling and rushing into relationships for the wrong reasons. But the exterior is only temporary. What’s inside is forever. Just like judging a book by its cover could cause me to miss a really good read, judging a man by his appearance could cause me to miss a really great man after God’s own heart. (Bonus tip: look at a man’s (or woman’s) Bible for an indication of Who has their heart. And memorize 1 Samuel 16:7)

Lastly, but certainly not least in importance, is to let God take care of the hunting. The bottom line is I am not supposed to be my own spouse hunter. Before I was born, God hand picked my husband and He doesn’t need me to go on the hunt for him. All God asks is that I seek His Son, Jesus, with all heart, mind and soul while remaining hopeful, patient and content as I wait on His perfect timing.

Whether you are waiting on the perfect house to hit the market or waiting on the perfect spouse to walk into your life, continue to tarry in joy, thanksgiving and relentless hope as you wait for God to reveal “the one” for you.

“Though it tarry, wait for it.”

Habakkuk 2:3

, , , ,

Old Dog, New Tricks

Pippy is stuck in a rut.

On our daily walks, Pippy insists we stop at exactly the same spots so she can conduct her regular sniffing routine.

First, she demands (via stubborn pulling) that I stop at her favorite corner where the scent of a particular pine tree tickles her nose. Then, one block later, she pulls again next to the tall bush with an earthy aroma. Pippy finds this bush intensely enticing.

After she sniffs for a moment, I give her leash a tug and direct her back to our walk but, less than a minute later, she yanks on the leash again. This time we’re near the rusty mailbox. Pippy loves this rusty mailbox. By her frantic sniffing, I suspect there is gold underneath all of that rust. Or maybe rust just has a tantalizing scent to a dog’s keen nose.

On our short fifteen-minute walk around the neighborhood Pippy encounters at least a dozen of these specific stop and sniff locations. This is her habit and, for years, I’ve allowed it to become ingrained in her doggie brain, controlling the pace and pauses of our walk.

But that’s about to change.  

They say you can’t teach an old dog new tricks but I’m determined to prove “them” wrong by teaching Pippy how to live free of her routine.

After some at-home dog psychotherapy exercises, I discovered that Pippy doesn’t actually need to stop and smell the same patches of grass every day. She doesn’t use these stops to fulfill the basic needs of her bladder. She just wants to stop because she’s used to stopping. It has become her habit. Routine sniffing is Pippy’s rut.

But Pippy isn’t the only one stuck in a rut. I’m stuck in one, too.

Like Pippy, I do the same things over and over again, day in and day out. I go to the same places, at the same time. I think the same thoughts on repeat. I speak the same words to myself day after day after day.

The truth is, I’m no different than Pippy. I’m trapped in a well-engrained cycle. I’m stuck in a rut.

But I’m confident that this old dog can learn new tricks.

Teaching Pippy to break her stop and sniff habit is helping me get unstuck, too. While walking Pippy I’ve discovered that my will power is key to reforming her behavior. If I am halfhearted and weak, Pippy is bound to pull me back to the same sniffing spots she has a thousand times before. In order to change her pattern and teach her how to walk obediently I must hold firm and keep walking (even when Pippy is pulling so hard on the leash it feels like my arm might pop out of its socket).

The same principles of determination and will power apply to breaking free of my own rut.

In order to get unstuck I must surrender my will to God and follow Jesus, not my habits and hang-ups, with determination. I must let obedience to Christ dictate my day, not my routine. I must cease trying to take the lead and let Him order my every start and stop.

While trapped in the rut of my routine I will never be a fluid follower of Jesus. As long as I’m caught up in my habits I’m doomed to a life of stubborn rigidity. Like Pippy yanking and pulling on the leash, my walk with God will be unpleasant and short on peace until I release my will and let the Holy Spirit direct my life.

Jesus must be my pack leader. He must be the one who is telling me when I can stop and go. When He says, “pause,” that’s when I pause. When He says, “walk this way,” then I need to be free of my rut so I can heed the call.

Outside the confines of my rut and routine is a great, big, beautiful world and God will show it to me if I will just stop yanking on His leash. As soon as I relinquish control of my habits and hang-ups and let Christ renew my routine, He will amaze me with awe and wonder as He daily rewrites me a new, wonderful normal.

Pippy and I are both getting older but we are never too old to learn new tricks.  

 

“Since we live by the Spirit, let us keep in step with the Spirit.”

Galatians 5:25