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Walking Into the Wind

Have you ever been out on a walk when, all of a sudden, a mighty gust of wind sweeps in from seemingly out of nowhere?

I wouldn’t mind these surprise gusts if I could control their direction and guide the wind to push me from behind. But gusts of wind rarely blow the way I’d like them to. Instead, they tend to direct their invisible force square right into my chest and face.

Just the other day, while on an afternoon walk at a park, I encountered this windy phenomenon. As it so happened, the wind arrived at my front at the precise moment that I approached the bottom of a hill. As I made the ascent, the gusts effectively slowed my otherwise quick clip down to a snail’s pace while simultaneously causing my lungs to work a little harder.

The moment I crested the top of the hill the wind mysteriously disappeared. I looked around to observe the trees and they were completely still. It’s as if the wind had only shown up so God could teach me a lesson – which he proceeded to do the moment I turned around and saw who was rolling up the hill behind me. 

As I observed the scene, I saw a young woman in a manual wheelchair completing the windy climb. There was no one else with her to assist with a little push or word of encouragement. She was all by herself, persevering up the windy hill with her own God-given strength and persistence.

Had the woman looked weary and worn out, no one would have faulted her. She had every excuse to feel exhausted and beaten down. But, as I saw her reach the top of the hill, there wasn’t a hint of defeat in her expression. What most people would call a disability did not interfere with her ability to overcome the windy hill challenge while wearing a genuine smile on her face.

As I saw the beautiful woman’s joyful countenance, it hit me like a gust of wind: that’s how Jesus’ followers should carry themselves when walking into life’s winds.

As Christ’s followers, we are called to not only endure the winds of this life but to do so with joy. It is as we walk through trials and tribulations with gladness that our spirit testifies to the goodness of the Lord. As we let God live in and through us, our countenance becomes a looking glass for others to see the greatness of our resurrected King. With a genuine smile, we show the world that we are being upheld and strengthened by the overcoming power of the risen Christ.

Dear friend, next time you face a wind, I pray that you’ll wear a smile on your face and keep moving faithfully forward full of joy, peace and hope. Let the love and grace of Jesus control your countenance as you conquer the climb one victorious step at a time.

“Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer.”

Romans 12:12

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Can I carry that for you?

“May I assist you out to your car with your grocery bags?”

If you’ve ever grocery shopped at Publix, you’ve probably had a friendly store associate dawning a green apron ask you this question. Offering this no fee, no tip accepted grocery transportation service and complimentary cart return is part of Publix’s commitment to kindness and stellar customer service.

As a self-sufficient (read: stubborn) woman, I usually decline the service. It’s not that I’m adverse to kindness; it’s that I have developed a bad habit.

I don’t know when it started or why, but at some point in my grocery shopping life, I began carrying all of my loaded up plastic bags out to my car without the aid of a cart or carrying service. If you’ve ever seen an individual stumbling through the grocery store parking lot with five full plastic bags on each arm and a pack of soda on their shoulders, you might have been watching me walk to my car. While I admit that transporting groceries this way isn’t very wise (and is definitely painful for the arms), I’ve clung to my habit (and grocery bags) like a dog with a bone, repeatedly declining the associate’s offer of assistance.

The other day, while walking out of Publix with grocery bags in hand (and a few on my arms), I noticed a store employee pushing a customer’s cart to her car. The customer’s posture was relaxed as she strolled through the parking lot without a single bag in hand. While, next to her, a strong young gentleman maneuvered the cart with ease. The two were smiling and enjoying what appeared to be a pleasant conversation.

As I watched this ordinary scene unfold, Jesus’ voice transformed it into an extraordinary vision of truth and love as I heard Him say:

“Come to me all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” (Matthew 11:28-30)

Just like the employees at Publix who offer to carry bags for their customers, Jesus offers to carry burdens for His children. It’s part of His commitment to being not only our Savior but our Sustainer, too. Jesus is always at the ready, eager to take each and every bag that’s weighing us down. He longs to lift every ounce of regret, guilt, shame, fear, worry and anxiety from our weak and weary shoulders. It is our Lord’s pleasure to remove the heavy burdens we’ve been carrying and exchange them for His lighter load.

But wait, there’s more!

Because once we accept Jesus’ free burden carrying offer, He not only takes our cares and worries upon Himself, He actually walks right alongside us for life’s journey, just like the bagger in the grocery store parking lot. As we travel in the company of Jesus, He blesses us with compassionate companionship, unconditional love and amazing grace. Our friend Jesus stays with us every step of the way. He never leaves us nor forsakes us. He never drops a bag or gets weary. He never gets frustrated or says, “Here, you take this over now. I’ve carried your bags for long enough.” Jesus is always patient, always merciful and always kind. His faithfulness is unending and so is His strength.

But, just like the bagger at the grocery store, Jesus won’t force His children to accept His gracious offer. We must do so willingly and release our burdens voluntarily. Only then will our hands be freed up and our heart open to receive the peace of His presence and the rest of His easy yoke.

Dear friend, if you’re still carrying your own burdens, why don’t you let Jesus take over? At this very moment, He is inviting you to drop your bags at the foot of His cross and let Him push the cart as you travel in His holy company. Release your burdens and let Jesus load you up with Heaven’s perfect joy, peace and rest.

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Shelter in the Storm

On a wet and soggy weekday morning, I witnessed three turkeys running up the sidewalk on Mack Hatcher Road, a four-lane boulevard set between the mountains in middle Tennessee. The feathered fowl were moving fast – well as fast as tri-toed feet can be expected to move. From my rain covered window, I could see the feverish look on the birds’ faces as they frantically searched for shelter from the storm.

The scene was peculiar. It’s not every day you see turkeys doing their own trot along the sidewalk. But it was a bit comical, too, since, only a few feet away from the turkeys, was a covered pavilion. If the turkeys wanted to be protected from the rain, they should have simply turned around. Then they would have seen the picture-perfect safe haven positioned right behind them.

As I drove along, chucking at the irony of the turkey’s dilemma, the smirk on my face melted away as a revelation dawned on me: “I’m not so much different than those birds.”

Like the crazed turkeys running up Mack Hatcher, I have been known to become frantic when caught in one of life’s storms. Just like the silly birds that dread a drenching rain, I dread trouble and difficulty. I’m human and this means I don’t relish life’s soaking wet situations. I want to be safe, dry and carefree. And, so, when dreary conditions arise, I gather up my feathers and flee as fast as I can.

But, in the end, I wind up looking as ridiculous as a trio of turkeys running up Mach Hatcher in a rainstorm.

Instead of leading me to a place of refuge, my frenzied attempt to flee the storm leaves me shuffling up a sidewalk while being pelted with the very problem I was trying to avoid in the first place. I slip and slide in an anxious attempt to find illusive rest and relief. Meanwhile, as I frantically search for an overhang or escape route, I wind up missing the picture-perfect safe haven that’s right behind me: the cross of Christ.

If only I would stop desperately darting my eyes from left to right and fix my eyes in Jesus’ direction, I would see that He has already prepared a shelter from the storm. Long before I ever knew the thunder and rain were coming, He readied my refuge under the shadow of His wings. The Lord Jesus, in His infinite grace, love and mercy, doesn’t expect or want His beloved followers to face a single downpour alone. He lived, died and rose again to be the unshakable Strong Tower, Mighty Fortress and immovable Anchor in every circumstance and every storm, for every child of God that calls on His holy name.

When the rain starts falling, which it will for all of us sooner or later, we have a choose to make. We can follow in the turkey’s tri-toed footsteps and frantically run away in search of our own deliverance. Or we can faithfully follow Jesus and run to the foot of His cross.

My recommendation? Don’t be a turkey.

Instead, seek Jesus with all your heart, mind and soul. Trust in the resurrection power of Christ as you run to His cross while rejoicing in the words of the Psalmist: “He will cover you with his wings; you will be safe in his care; his faithfulness will protect and defend you.” (Psalm 91:4)

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IF: A holy invitation

“If” is one little word with huge implications. Especially when Jesus says it.

“If any of you wants to be my follower, you must give up your own way, take up your cross, and follow me.” (Matthew 16:24)  

“If anyone loves me, he will keep my word, and my Father will love him, and we will come to him and make our home with him.” (John 14:23)

When Jesus uses the word “if,” He issues an invitation that doesn’t sound like an offer to attend a rocking party. “Die to self and get ready to pick up a cross,” He says. “Don’t forget to bring your patience and persistence because you’re going to be experiencing more suffering, hardship and persecution than you can imagine!” Thanks Jesus, but I think I’ll stay home and watch HGTV.

Just ask Paul, the New Testament disciple who was imprisoned for his faith. Following Jesus is not for the faint of heart. It requires continual unconditional surrender and the relinquishing of all control. Giving up your right to yourself is in no way natural. It takes the supernatural intervention of the Holy Spirit to make it possible. But it is possible and that’s the good news of the Gospel!

Jesus makes sold-out, devoted followership not only possible, but positively wonderful!

When we release our expectations and crucify our fleshly desires, we are freed up to receive the riches of the Holy Spirit’s indwelling that overcomes every trouble in the world. When we embrace, not escape, the cross of Jesus we find ourselves in the perfect position to encounter the fullness of His resurrection power.

Although those who RSVP “yes” to Jesus’ “if” invitation might not experience what the world deems a party-hat kind of life, we must remember that we are not living for its temporary treasures. We, as Christ’s faithful followers, are actually citizens of heaven just passing through this earthly life. Our hope is in God’s heavenly Kingdom and our eyes are set on His eternal crown.

But even before we get to our permanent home, this life need not be a party gone wrong.

Even in the midst of trial and tribulation, this life can and should be a celebration of all that is good, holy and righteous about our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. When our hearts and minds are set on serving God, we can rejoice in every circumstance, knowing that God has plans to use it to magnify His unmatched greatness.

Have you heard Jesus speak “if” into your life and have you responded yet? If you haven’t heard Him, I encourage you to open up His word and read the red letters. They are a personal invitation written just for you, welcoming you to leave your worldly life behind and experience a new life.

If you’ve already heard the “if” and have yet to respond, I urge you not to hesitate one moment longer. Remember what Jesus said: “everyone who has left houses or brothers or sisters or father or mother or wife or children or fields for my sake will receive a hundred times as much and will inherit eternal life.” (Matthew 19:9)

Confidently leave the old life behind knowing that what lies ahead is infinitely better!

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By Faith

She did it! My little puppy, Faith, finally did it! After months of coaxing and coaching, at last, Faith conquered her fear of cement steps and ascended all three flights of apartment complex stairs!

As I watched Faith bound up those steps for the very first time my heart welled up with parental pride. I felt the joy of victory as my pup, who used to be petrified by the very sight of those steps, leapt up each one with ease. In the blink of an eye, Faith became a stair climbing pro. She even made it to the top before I did. Once safely on the third-floor landing, she turned around and smiled at me as if to say, “look what I did mom! I’m a big pup now!” 

I celebrated Faith’s milestone with many “good dog” affirmations, petting and, of course, a treat. But while I was praising her, my mind began to wander and wonder, “If watching your fur baby conquer steps is this exciting, how amazing must it be to watch your own flesh and blood baby take his or her first steps?” A second after that thought crossed my mind, grief slammed into me like a tsunami as I heard myself utter the words, “you might never get to find out.”

This month (January 2020) marks ten years since my menstrual cycle abruptly left my body, taking my ability to carry a child with it.

While working through the loss of my fertility I’ve experienced every stage of grief multiple times and cried a river’s worth of tears. After a decade of mourning and processing, I really thought I had come to a place of peace and acceptance. But, as I watched Faith conquer her fear of the stairs, my own old infertility fears and sadness came back with vengeance. 

Sadness came first.

I know that being a Mom isn’t all rainbows, butterflies and roses. Parenting (and pregnancy) has plenty of thrones. But with immense challenges come immense blessings, such as experiencing, firsthand, the miracle of new life. To give birth to a child is a wonderful gift and one that, growing up, I always assumed I would receive someday. Up until ten years ago, it never occurred to me that I would be unable to conceive and carry a child. I never imagined I wouldn’t give birth to a baby. To me, that was a given.

But I’ve had to learn the hard way that nothing in life is a guarantee. Not health. Not fertility. Not marriage. Not motherhood.

With the loss of my fertility I’ve had to grieve the fact that I might never hold my own baby in my arms. I might never see my own baby on a sonogram image or prepare to welcome a new life into the world. I might never get to capture a first smile, first word or first step. I might never get to rejoice in those little, monumental victorious and it’s the reality of all those nevers that has caused me incredible sadness.

But it’s not just sadness that plagues me. It’s fear, too.

As a single, infertile woman, my inability to carry a child has caused me to wonder (and worry) what man will ever want to marry me. It seems to me that most men (especially Christian men) want kids and a family. Given that I can’t provide in that way (barring a miracle of God), I fear that no man will ever want to make me his wife, making me not only indefinitely infertilite but indefinitely single, too.

In the days that have passed since Faith made her stair climbing conquest, I’ve done a lot of praying and asking God to help me overcome my infertility fears and sadness.

Ohm how I wish I could say that God answered my pleas with a clear word like He gave to Abraham and Sarah. My hope was to hear His booming voice from heaven say, “you will one day give birth to a child and call him John” – or some great prophesy along those lines.

But, the truth is, this story doesn’t go that way. Instead of a voice, I heard nothing. Absolute silence. God was as quiet as a church mouse. But, even in the silence, I still trusted that He had a word of comfort to share with me so I sought Him by opening, reading and soaking in His Word. Then I waited.

It took a few days of intentional stillness and silence but, finally, I heard the voice of God whispering two little words that changed everything: “By faith.”

Those two words led me back to Hebrews chapter eleven where Paul catalogues the “hall of faith.” The list includes Noah who, “by faith,” built an ark even though there hadn’t been a drop of rain in ages. Abraham who, “by faith,” left his homeland and journeyed into an unknown future. And, of course, Sarah, who, “by faith” believed in the faithfulness of God even when she was old and barren.

Although the details differ, two common themes run through every name Paul listed in Hebrews chapter eleven: extreme difficulty and incredible faith. The men and women who are commended by Paul are men and women who walked by faith and not by sight. They journeyed through this earthly life with their eyes fixed on heaven, knowing that, no matter what fate awaited them in this world, God was preparing a holy city for them in glory.

Because every person listed in Hebrews eleven was “confident in what they hoped for and assured about what they did not yet see,” God was supremely glorified in their life story. They relied on the Lord to be their strength and, in doing so, their lives testified to the resurrection power of Christ. By faithfully surrendering to God, their histories became a beautiful part of His grand story of salvation, redemption and restoration.

And the same is true for me.

As I walk “by faith” through infertility and singleness, God will use those struggles to magnify Jesus and tell His story. “By faith,” He will transform my life into a testimony of His great majesty and grace.

And the same is true for you.

Whatever fear or sadness you are facing today, God knows your deepest pain, understands your heart and wants to guide you down paths of righteousness for His name’s sake. He is not asking you to look at tomorrow or worry about what the future will or will not hold. All He asks is that you walk, live and trust Him “by faith,” not sight. His one and only request is that you surrender unconditionally at the foot of Christ’s cross and seek the Lord with your whole heart, mind and soul.

Dear friend, I pray that on this very night you will give God your sadness and release every fear into the hands of Jesus. He can and will heal your brokenness and fill you with the joy of new life as you walk with Him “by faith.” 

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Live for an Audience of One

As I stood at my favorite coffee shop’s cash register, ordering my regular small coffee (no room for cream), the barista looked up from the carafe and asked me a question that immediately made my heart stop and palms sweat. “So what is it that you do while your sitting there, typing on your computer?”

It’s a question I’ve been asked at least a hundred times and one I’m never quite sure how to answer. On one hand, I want to declare that I’m a self-proclaimed writer, but, on the other hand, I’m embarrassed to address the follow-up questions that so often come next, such as “are you published?”

When I am forced to acknowledge that I’m a writer without a single word in print, it makes me question the thousands of hours I’ve poured my heart out and onto a page. I have spent nearly ten years posting, “doodling” (what I call journaling), and asking Jesus to take the pen and yet I have so little to show for it by earthly measures. To date, I have a measly fifty-nine IG followers, five email subscribers and seventy-six likes on FB. In society’s terms of success, that translates into “failure.”

In the split second that passed between receiving the barista’s question and responding, a battle royal between confidence and doubt waged within my mind. It was like having a little red-horned devil on one shoulder and an angel on the other.

From the devil’s side came taunting, insults and heckling…. “You’re such a loser. Don’t you see that you’re wasting your time writing your little Jesus life lesson stories? No one even reads them because they’re not any good. You’re not any good!”

But, on the other shoulder, was the voice of a reassuring, uplifting angel… “Just one is enough. Just reaching one weary soul is enough. Just encouraging one heavy heart is enough. Just cheering one downcast friend is enough. Just brightening one stranger’s day is enough. Just writing for an audience of your One and only Savior is enough.”

The enemy tried hard to crush my spirit and rob me of the opportunity to tell the barista that I write for Jesus but, praise Jesus, he didn’t have the final say because, louder than his lies was God’s voice of truth. With a decisive, “not today satan”, I snubbed the devil on my shoulder, opened up my mouth and, with bold conviction, proclaimed to the barista, “I’m a writer!” Then, to my pleasure, she asked what I write about, to which I was able to respond, “devotionals for Jesus.”

As I sat down with my coffee and opened up my computer like I have nearly every day for the past decade, I said a silent, “thank you” to God for the opportunity to hear and respond to His voice.

I also thanked Him for reminding me of what Paul wrote to the Colossians. “Keep in mind always that the ultimate Master you’re serving is Christ.” (3:23) Although the Colossians weren’t faced with the challenges of social media, that doesn’t mean they were immune to the enemy’s taunting. Just like you and I experience today, the Colossians were tempted to measure success in worldly terms. In his letter, Paul reminded them, and us, that we are citizens of Heaven and, therefore, we are to live for the King of Heaven. Honoring God, not gaining worldly honor or likes, is what gives life real purpose, enduring meaning and eternal value. Faithfully obeying and following Jesus in any and all situations, whether big or small, is how we are to truly glorify God.

When the curtain falls on this earthly life, all social media accounts, book deals, and awards will mean nothing. They will not accompany us past this grave. But what we will take with us is the heart we surrendered to God and the life we dedicated to an audience of One.

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Thank God for Unanswered Prayer

January 2020 is an important month in my personal history because this month marks ten years since I caught the first glimpse of my chronic illness giant.

At first the glimpse was just that – only a glimpse. In the beginning of this journey, all I could see was a dramatic thirty-pound plunge on the scale. I had no idea of the magnitude of the illness brewing underneath or the physical dysfunction, severe wasting and debilitating pain to come. Looking back now, I’m grateful that God didn’t show me the whole scope of my sickness saga. Had I known how long and how hard this road was destined to be I might have given up. Thankfully, God gave me just enough visibility and strength to take it one day and one victory at a time.

As I look back over these past ten years, limited foresight isn’t the only reason I’m thankful. I’m also thankful for unanswered prayer.

Over the course of the past decade I prayed one particular prayer so many times only Heaven could keep count. Although the phrasing of the prayer varies each time, it always goes a little something like this:

“Father God, how long will I have to face this same Goliath? Haven’t I been standing on this chronic illness battlefield long enough? Now God, just to be clear, I’m not asking you to make me immune to suffering and trouble. As a follower of Jesus, I know that’s part of the deal. But could I trade in this sickness trouble for a different model? Maybe relationship woes or a career so I could experience some really bothersome problems at work? Anything Lord! I’m begging you, please give me a different giant to face!”

But not once in ten years did God ever give me what I asked for. God never let me treat my Goliath like a leased car and trade it in for another model. God refused to let me pick my own giant and, although I wasn’t glad at the time, now I am. Had I been up against a different foe, I would have missed out on the shaping and molding God had in mind. If I would have faced a different Goliath, I wouldn’t be the Stephanie I am today.

By being stripped away physically, emotionally and spiritually, I was given a front row seat to a show featuring God’s saving and sustaining power. At sixty-five pounds I watched God carry my body against all odds. When my heart began to travel off rhythm, I experienced the peace and comfort of His steadying as He upheld and reassured my anxious soul. In my very body, He performed victory after victory and blessed me with the miracle of experiencing it all firsthand.

While I was praying for a different Goliath, God knew a new giant wasn’t what I truly needed. Intensive training to become a fierce and fearless warrior in His army was and is what I needed. Complete dependence on the resurrection power of Jesus was and is what I needed. Unwavering faith in the perfect will and unchanging goodness of God was and is what I needed.

I am so thankful that God refused to give me what I asked for. Like a good Father, He said “no” to what I thought was good so He could give me what He knew was best.  

“Let us then approach God’s throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.” 

Hebrews 4:16

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What do genealogies have to do with it?

This year I set out to read the entire Bible in a year. I must admit, this is not the first time I’ve undertaken this endeavor but, I’m sorry to say, I’ve never succeeded. I always get bogged down in the genealogies and lists of names I can’t pronounce. Usually sooner rather than later, I abandon the mission and return to my New Testament comfort zone.

But this year I determined to approach the Bible in a year endeavor differently. I’ve decided to embrace a “delay is not defeat” mantra. Even if I miss a day or two, I will keep coming back to my Bible reading plan and pick up wherever I left off.

Which brings me to January 10th.

According to my reading plan, I should have been reading Genesis chapter twenty-one on this particular day but I’m a bit behind. Or a lot a bit, depending on how you define behind. Thankfully, the truth found in God’s Word never expires or changes. And neither does His grace, which I reminded myself as I opened up Genesis chapter eleven five days behind schedule.

If you’re not familiar with Genesis eleven or have simply forgotten the specifics of this passage, allow me to break it down for you.

It starts with the Tower of Babel where sin gets out of control and God has to reign it in by breaking up unified language. Next is the Shem family genealogy. It’s riveting reading, as I’m sure you can imagine. Lastly, the chapter turns to Abram and tells the story of how his father took their family from the land of Ur to the land of Harran. Also riveting reading.

While trying to sound out names like Arphazad, Peleg and Serug, I started to wonder if the Shem family line is even important? “Do these verses have anything to do with me?” I asked myself.

No sooner did these thoughts cross my mind than God answered them with verse thirty one. “Terah took his son Abram, his grandson Lot son of Haran, and his daughter-in-law Sarai, the wife of his son Abram…” To some readers, this might seem like a throw away verse but, to me, it spoke volumes because of one word, one name: Sarai.

Being familiar with Sarai, I knew the two important details about her life that were revealed one verse earlier, in Genesis thirty. First is that Sarai is Abram’s wife and, second, is that she in infertile. Unlike her sister-in-law and other women in the family line, Sarai is unable to conceive and bear children for her husband.

In any era, but especially in Sarai’s era, infertility can cause shame for women due to the fact that the ability to carry a child and give birth plays a large role in making a woman feel feminine. Pregnancy is a beautiful gift imparted specifically to women and when that gift can’t be experienced and enjoyed a woman often feels worthless and less than. I should know since I, too, am infertile.

In the day and age that Sarai lived, being unable to have a child was a defining characteristic and that’s what makes this verse in Genesis so noteworthy. In this particular scripture, the author shares the name of every man on the voyage from Ur to Harrah but only shares the name of one woman – and it wasn’t the name of a woman who could conceive children. It was the name of the one woman known to be infertile.

As I closed my Bible and thought about Genesis eleven, I was overwhelmed by the perfection of God’s Word.

God’s Word is never outdated and doesn’t contain any irrelevant details. Every word has a purpose and Sarai’s name being listed in verse thirty one is no exception. Her name has significance and sends a message to men and women everywhere: The ability to have children is not what makes you valuable. You are valuable because you are a child of God.

Your name is worth listing and your life is worth loving because God created You in His image with purpose and on purpose. Whether you can have a child of your own or not does not define you or determine your value and worth. Your value is determined by the perfect Lamb of God who died to save you and secure you a place in heaven. According to Jesus, you are worth dying for. That truth, not your current or future fertility, is why you are a precious and priceless treasure.

In His amazing grace and unmerited goodness, God used one word to shower my belated Bible reading with blessings and remind me that He loves me for me, just like He loves you for you.

If you want proof of God’s love for you, just open up your Bible – and don’t be deterred by the genealogies. God’s Holy Word is His love letter to you and, I can assure you, He never disappoints.

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What are you collecting?

My coffee mug collection began innocently. A whimsical, ice-skating snowman inspired mug here. An Easter bunny and carrot themed mug there. “A mug for every season” – that was my motto.

Over the years, as my coffee cup collection has steadily grown, so has the chaos in my kitchen cabinet. There are now so many mugs crammed into that little space it’s a wonder the door even closes.

Recognizing the excessiveness of my drinkware situation, I have, for years, resolved to cut off all coffee cup purchasing and pare down my current collection. My intentions have been good but my follow through has been quite poor. I’ve tried picking just my favorites and donating the rest, but I find that they are all my favorites for one sentimental reason or another. I’ve even tried the Kon Mari technique, asking myself “does this bring you joy?” To which the answer is always, “Yes. This llama mug most certainly does bring me joy.”

But coffee mugs aren’t my only collection. I have a second, not so visible and far less joyous collection that I’ve had trouble parting ways with, too: a collection of fears.

Over the past decade I’ve collected more fears than coffee mugs. I have a fear that I’ll wind up being a lifelong single and a fear that I’ll never regain my full health. Then there’s that pesky fear that I’ll fail at every career I try. And who can forget the niggling fear that I’ll end up moving back into my parent’s basement (again). For every setback, failure or struggle, I’ve added another fear to my collection, creating an internal space that is so chock-full of anxiety, worries and concerns it makes my kitchen cabinet look sparse.

Like I do every January 1st, I made a resolution on this New Year’s Day. “This year,” I thought, “I’m going to do it. I’m going to cut ties with this excessive coffee mug collection and bring order back to this chaotic cabinet!” Nowhere in my mind was I thinking about my fear collection – that’s a collection I didn’t want to admit even existed. I wanted to keep that door securely shut. I wanted to keep my fears, anxieties and worries a secret.

But that wasn’t meant to be.

As soon as I opened the kitchen cabinet to attack the out of control coffee mug collection, a revelation dawned on me like a lightbulb illuminating above a cartoon character’s head: Why are you so fixated on this coffee mug conundrum? Don’t you see that you have a far more pressing situation to address – all those paralyzing fears you’ve let take up residence in your mind? Can’t you see that you’ve become like this cabinet – so crammed full of fear you have no room left for faith.

As I surveyed the plethora of coffee cups all stacked and squished behind the cabinet’s glass door, I realized that, just like that cabinet, my mind has limited space and I must be intentional about what – and Who – I let fill it. If I relinquish control to the enemy, he will cram me full of anxious thoughts and fearful emotions, destroying my joy and robbing me of peace in the process. But, if I allow God to fill my sacred internal space, He will strengthen my faith by enriching my mental collection with wisdom and truth. When I invite God into my mind and ask Him to control my collection of thoughts, He defeats the enemy’s lies, exposes every destructive fear, and fills me with His overcoming peace and abundant joy.

It was this new revelation that revived my resolve – but not my resolve to part ways with my llama mug, that mug is here to stay. This time, I determined to get rid of my collection of fears.

But how?

If I couldn’t part ways with a few coffee mugs, how could I part ways with an entire mind full of fears and dooms day thoughts? To successfully accomplish this resolution, I knew I needed help clearing away the anxious clutter I’d let accumulate inside. So, I did what anyone who wants to declutter their life should do. And, no, I didn’t turn to Kon Mari to refresh my memory on her Tidying Up technique. I turned to the only One who has the power to break every chain – including every chain of fear. I turned to Jesus, relinquished control of my collection and asked Him to take over cleaning my internal house.

In no time at all, a verse came to mind. “Set your mind on things above, not on earthly things.” (Colossians 3:2) Or, in coffee mug speak, when the enemy is trying to sell you an earthly fear mug, leave the store, run to God and stock up on the eternal treasures revealed in His word.

You see, Jesus claimed victory over fear when He conquered the grave. When our Savior defeated death, He made it possible for you and I to enjoy freedom from all fear. But, in order to experience that freedom, we have to be choosy about what we allow into our mental, emotional and spiritual collection. We must stop buying the fear lies and quit even giving the enemy’s sales pitch the time of day! Instead, we must fix our eyes, ears and heart on Jesus and invest in a faith-filled collection packed with God’s promises and busting at the seams with His extravagant love.

And, if you must buy something, just go buy a whimsical coffee mug. I suggest shopping at Home Goods, TJ Maxx or Marshalls. They always have the very best selection. Tell them Stephanie sent you.

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A Decade in Review

As this decade comes to a close, I’ve been doing a lot of reflecting and thinking about all that has transpired in my life over the past ten years. In doing so, three words have kept returning to my mind:

  1. Sickness

  2. Singleness

  3. Salvation

When I received salvation in November of 2009, just two months before a new decade began, I thought I was living the final chapter of my rescue story. Little did I know, my story was just getting started.

As the 2010’s kicked off, so did my sickness. By the summer of that first year, a mystery illness consumed me. In 2010 I encountered major health disruptions that completely derailed my twenty-year-old self’s plans. By 2011, those disruptions turned into the destruction of dreams, plans and even love. That year I watched my status go from engaged to single – and that’s where it’s been ever since.

Over the next four years, I traversed the trying trail of chronic, undiagnosed illness as a single woman. Thankfully, I never walked alone. I was blessed with the support of a loving family, amazing Mom and incredible dog – my Pippy love.

But what truly kept me going throughout those chronic, undiagnosed illness wilderness years was Jesus.

Whenever I wanted to give up, I’d remember November 2, 2009 and the moment when my life was forever changed by receiving salvation by grace through faith in Jesus Christ. Just knowing that Jesus rescued me, redeemed my past and reconciled me to God filled my spirit with the hope and strength needed to carry on. Whether in sickness or in health, I belonged to Christ. He bought my life at the highest price and I had to believe that He didn’t die in vain.

If I believed God’s Word, then I had to trust that my illness wasn’t a mistake and I wasn’t forgotten or forsaken. I had to trust that God had a purpose and plan for my life. So I grabbed hold of these three foundational truths:

  1. God is good.
  2. God is faithful.
  3. And He isn’t finished yet.

By standing on the rock of salvation, I was indwelled with the spiritual strength needed to keep fighting for my life even when sickness ravaged my body and caused me to physically waste away.

In 2015, I was 25 years old and 72 pounds when I was finally diagnosed with multiple sclerosis. Seeing lesions on my brain and hearing the letters “MS” was as reassuring as it was difficult. Reassuring because those scans confirmed that I wasn’t crazy – there truly was something wrong with my body. But difficult, too, because MS provided little hope, no cure and limited treatment options. The prognosis for MS is simply a steady, and possibly swift, decline.

My physical decline was swift. Thankfully, my hope didn’t follow such an ill-fated trajectory.

As the calendar turned to 2017, I watched the scale drop below 70 pounds. By that point my body was experiencing so many debilitating, life-altering symptoms it would take an entire notebook to catalogue them. My health was failing fast but, praise God, my faith was growing even faster.

As my body went plummeting towards death at a seemingly unstoppable clip, I was compelled to go on a hunt for further help. By the grace of God, I was led to a doctor who took a fresh look at my case and gave me life changing news. I wasn’t a multiple sclerosis case. I was a lymie and had been all along.

After receiving a Lyme diagnosis in 2017, I entered a disease killing battlefield prepared to endure an intense and lengthly fight for my life.

Defeating lyme proved to be much harder than five years of undiagnosed illness and two years of misdiagnosed illness – but much more rewarding, too. Organs that had been shut off for years were restored and turned back on. Chronic pains that had plagued me for almost an entire decade began reversed. It was like being reborn!

Although I had to fight hard for victory over my lyme foe, I’ve never fought alone. God, in His unfailing faithfulness, carried me and upheld me when I didn’t know if I could go one step further. The joy of Jesus renewed my strength when my faith was wearing thin. The hope of salvation restored my resolve when I felt like giving up.

Looking back on the past decade, I can hardly believe I survived it! There is no doubt in my mind that the overcoming strength, love and grace of God saved and sustained me so I could live to tell this rescue story. God charted this course specifically for me. He had a purpose for every pain and a plan for every setback. There wasn’t one single step wasted. God, in His unwavering goodness, produced fruit in every season and used every struggle to sanctify my faith, strengthen my hope and secure my footing on the rock of salvation.

As this decade comes to a close, I’m ready for whatever lies ahead in 2020 because I am still standing on these foundational truths:

God is good.

God is faithful.

And He isn’t finished yet.