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The Slow Road to Healing

I remember the first (and only) time a church body laid hands on me and prayed for my healing.

People were speaking in tongues and some others were singing hallelujahs. I remember the pastor’s hand in particular. It was heavy and clammy and when he lifted it off my back I had a sweat spot on my shirt. I hoped that in all of that energy was the delivering of a mighty miracle but, to be honest, I was skeptical.

Not having grown up in a Pentecostal church where the laying on of hands is a common occurrence, I didn’t know what to expect following my first encounter of this kind. Part of me was anticipating a crack of thunder or at least a powerful sensation in my stomach – some sort of “message received” communication from God. But none of those things happened. I felt nothing but that preacher’s sweaty palm on my back.

Despite no shock and awe, stand up and walk variety miracle, I didn’t leave the church entirely disappointed. “I bet tomorrow I’ll wake up and feel different,” I thought to myself. In my mind, all of those prayers and hallelujahs were like an antibiotic. I took them, now they just needed 24 hours to take full effect.

But, after 24 hours, still nothing had happened. And the same was true 48 and 72 hours later.

Nothing changed and nothing did change for years. In fact, just the opposite happened. Over the next seven years, I became sicker, weaker and frailer. From the outside looking in, it certainly appeared that the passionate church and sweaty palmed pastor had failed to usher in my healing. Or perhaps it was me and my lack of faith keeping my body from receiving restoration and fullness of health?

Following that experience and the lack of visible results produced by it, I stopped praying that God would perform an instantaneous miracle in my body. It’s not that I stopped believing God could perform such a wonder. It’s just that I stopped believing He would do it for me. I stopped believing that it was His will for me to be made well in a single moment and, in time, began embracing the belief that there was a purpose for my pain and suffering.

And, praise God, I was right.

For reasons far greater than my own, it was not God’s will to heal me with the snap of a finger or single touch. That wasn’t His plan for my life, my body or my testimony. Since before I was born, God wrote my story with a plot that included years of mysterious symptoms, misdiagnosis and all-out war against an invisible disease. He prepared for me a slow road to healing which, as I came to discover, is no less miraculous than an instantaneous healing.

Don’t get me wrong, instantaneous healing is wonderful and certainly a beautiful testimony to the unrivaled power and majesty of God, but it isn’t the only way God glorifies Himself through sickness. Sometimes God allows people to endure through illness and fight through disease for the specific purpose of demonstrating His unwavering faithfulness and sustaining grace. Often times, God allows pain and suffering because, in and through it, we who experience it are refined and sanctified by it. If we will allow God to have His way in our broken bodies, He will use every ache and hurt like a winnowing fork, removing the wheat from the chaff of our hearts.

Looking back now, I can honestly say that I am thankful God didn’t answer the prayers of those passionate believers who laid hands on me in church.

I am thankful God didn’t give me what I thought I wanted, which was a “pick up your mat and walk” miracle because, had He answered that prayer, I would have missed out on the spiritual regeneration He had in store for me. Had God let me skip out on my extended healing journey, I wouldn’t have had my faith strengthened in the fire of trials and tests. Had I not traveled along the lengthy path of chronic illness, I wouldn’t have the honor of sharing a story that includes being sustained at 65 pounds, upheld with failing organs and carried on a skeletal frame.

I am who I am today because God took me down the slow road to healing. That was His will for me and I will boast in it because it is indeed a wonderful story that glorifies and honors the Almighty God.

If you’re sick, suffering or struggling because God hasn’t healed you yet, I pray this story encourages you. I also hope it reminds you that your story is no less miraculous than someone who experiences a shock and awe miracle moment. Your story, no matter how slowly it might be unfolding, was written specifically for you by God, for your good and His glory. Trust Him with every detail. Remain patient when the timing doesn’t go your way. And keep looking for the mini-miracles along the way, because I promise that if you look into your heart, you’ll see them unfolding all the time.

 

“So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.”

~ Isaiah 41:10

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Confessions of an Overthinker

I’m an overthinker. It’s a trait I was born with; woven into my DNA. I’m a wonderful ruminator with a knack for pondering, contemplating, and considering. There must be an off switch to this brain of mine, but I haven’t discovered it yet.

Although being an overthinker doesn’t have to be a negative, overthinking certainly has the tendency to become unconstructive and downright damaging. The trouble is what overthinking naturally leads to. Namely worry which leads to unrest. 

Whenever I begin overthinking, my next natural step is to worry. Once this happens, I rarely come up with a fantastic idea, enlightening revelation or great breakthrough. Those miraculous moments almost always arrive in a flash, at the precise moment I thought I was “under” thinking. What I do come up with in these moments of worrisome thought is fear being projected into the future and an absence of peace to enjoy in the present.

When speaking to His disciples, Jesus said, “do not worry.” Or, as the Message version puts it, “don’t get worked up.” Period. End of story. There are no ifs, ands or buts about it; no noted exception to this rule. Jesus made it clear that His followers must actively choose not to worry which, for some of us overthinkers, requires intentionally intervening in our very active – and at times destructive – minds.

But before we can get intentional about fixing our overthinking problem, we must first admit that we have one. We must get brutally honest with ourselves and these five self-diagnostic questions can help:

  1. Do I often find myself WONDERING what if?
  2. Do I have to stop myself from OBSESSING about what might be?
  3. R: Do I catch myself REHEARSING worst case scenarios?
  4. R: Do I find myself REACHING for ways to take control?
  5. Y: Do I secretly (or not so secretly) YEARN for a way out?

If you’re an overthinker with a worrying problem, you might get uncomfortable reading that list. I know I sure did. This list is revealing and, if we’re candid, downright convicting. We know that worrying does us no good (and that Jesus explicitly told us not to do it) but the unrest of worry is an easy, albeit upsetting, trap to fall into. But, praise God, it is NOT an impossible trap to get out of.

A fertile mind and the capacity to create thought is a gift from God but it comes with a responsibility. If we aren’t careful, our busy brains can and will be used against us by the enemy to steal our joy, rob our peace, and destroy our contentment in all circumstances. Thankfully, the enemy’s power to control our thoughts is limited and grossly inferior to the power of God to rule and reign in our minds. The same power that raised Jesus from the grave can and will free us from the trap of overthinking. And all we have to do is resolutely reposition ourselves before God and take every thought captive at the foot of Christ’s cross.

If this sounds overwhelming, don’t worry (pun intended). Scripture tells us exactly how to reclaim our mind in the name of Christ, inviting joy, peace, and contentment to rule and reign in our hearts again. It’s as simple as W-O-R-R-Y:

  1. WORSHIP God for who He is and His great mercy, faithfulness and love. Lord, you are my God;
    “I will exalt you and praise your name, for in perfect faithfulness you have done wonderful things, things planned long ago.” (Isaiah 25:1)
  2. OBEY God by taking the next right step that is right in front of you.
    “Do not merely listen to the word, and so deceive yourselves. Do what it says.” (James 1:22)
  3. REFOCUS your thoughts on today.
    “Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.” (Matthew 6:35)
  4. REJOICE in the blessings you’ve been given.
    “Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, rejoice!” (Philippians 4:4)
  5. YEARN for more of Jesus with all of your heart, mind and soul.
    “Jesus replied: “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.'” (Matthew 22:37)

Friends, “whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable–if anything is excellent or praiseworthy” – go ahead and overthink about such things. (Philippians 4:8) You can simply never think too much about the goodness of our great and glorious God.

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Remarkably Intact

Mom’s prescription sunglasses have been found and the story is nothing short of remarkable.

The sunglasses in question went missing five years ago. Mom’s Elizabeth Arden tortoiseshell frames vanished without a trace. To this day, the circumstances of the disappearance remain vague. It always has been a very mysterious case of missing corrective lenses.
After much futile searching Mom gave up on ever finding her beloved prescription sunglasses with the perfect tint of sun blocking protection.
In due time the lost sunglasses were replaced and the ordeal was soon forgotten.
Until yesterday.
It was underneath a bright blue sky and warm sunshine that the discovery was made. I was seated in the passenger’s seat as Mom pulled the car into the driveway. That’s when a glimmer of bright light caught my attention. Something shiny was reflecting from the bare branches of the front yard’s large fruit tree. I squinted to ensure my eyes weren’t playing tricks on me but there they were. Mom’s pair of missing Elizabeth Arden tortoiseshell frames balancing on the bare branches of the leafless tree.
The glasses that my Mother lost in 2013 survived five winters stuck in the tall tree. They were battered by winds, beaten by rains and covered by historic snowfalls yet they lost not a single lens or arm. The glasses have been found, remarkably, completely intact.

Dear friend, take heart because in Christ, the lost can always be found. By the Almighty hand of God that upholds by the power of the Risen tree of life, the lost are always found remarkably, eternally intact.

 

“Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.”
Isaiah 41:10